. . .Jess's Ranting Journal. . .


September 23, 2009 Addition
Gerascophobia... that and a Social Phobia of some sort... I believe I have both of those to some extent. I'm scared for my life of growing up and I hate being around people I don't know. One reason being I hate being around people would be because of my active imagination.(for example, I'm attending school and I think of someone in class having a gun. They begin to shoot at everyone around them but for some reason I'm just sitting there watching. Another example would be people wandering around a mall. I walk past them and they jump me and find a deserted area and decide it's rape tyme! And if they don't jump/rape me then at least kill me...) It pains me to say I think of those things constantly if not every minute of my life. Not to mention that phobia blended in with my fear of growing up. Is it even safe to tell me to get over it when I have the fear of being around those I don't want to be around in the first place? See but I get along fine with those here on dA. As long as I don't see you in real life until I completely know of you and your life, then I'll be perfectly fine with meeting you in real life. But really, I can't stand being around people who are just walking around while I'm walking around. And the fact that I KNOW people are capable of doing such things is what also scares me... I'm in constant worry of the things around me and I hate it! But I know if I try to get over it, it'll just come back and bite the fuck outta me. -_-; I unno what to do. Everyone's telling me to get out there and get a job and others are telling me that jobs dealing with me sitting here at the computer are difficult as hell to find due to the fact of assholes who think it's smart to cheat people out of their money. I'm just-- GAH. *throws fruit gummies all over the place* -____-; I just wanna shove a flaming stick up the ass of everyone who wants me to die out of being scared shitless.